Sermon - The Rev. Dr. Paul Kolbet, April 7th, 2024

When Thomas was told of Christ’s resurrection by his friends, he said, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my hand in his side, I will not believe.” Some judge the Episcopal Church for being too open to doubters and inquirers, much like they judge Thomas for his supposed lack of faith. They are not wrong that we are a thinking questioning community. They are not wrong that we assume that each of our members is on their own path of thinking and believing, of adding understanding to faith, or adding faith to understanding. We know that life-events can unsettle either your faith our mental understanding no matter how settled you may consider either of those thing.

Thomas would become famous for his doubt, but, in fact, he was not that different from the other disciples. Mary Magdalene was the first to visit the empty tomb. When she encountered the risen Lord, she thought that he was a gardener (Jn 20:15). She did not recognize him until she heard him call her name, “Mary.”  She went to tell his disciples, and they did not believe her (Lk. 24:11). When Jesus did appear to them, they mistook him for a ghost (Lk 24:37). Really, each of the disciples came to believe and make their commitments over time. We Episcopalians are not out of step with the Bible in being welcoming of people who find themselves in many places on their path or in being compassionate to those who find themselves, like Thomas, struggling.

Thomas’s story of struggle and coming to belief has new urgency when–since the advent of the internet–people disagree about more and more basic facts. I find myself daily astounded by something I had previously taken for granted as “known” by most everyone suddenly becoming only one theory among several others. The internet has become a warren of rabbit holes on any topic and, depending on what you click, you could be told most anything about anything. Although you may believe you know what will be happening during tomorrow’s eclipse, the internet has all sorts of other ideas about whether our phones will be able to function, if airplanes will be able to continue in flight, and other things unmentionable here. What we believe matters especially in an age where what we think about everything feels like a multiple choice test, “No, not A, yes to B, certainly not C or D.”

There is one important matter that is nearly always left out of examinations of Thomas’s doubt. While we know he struggled to believe in Christ’s victory of death, we also know that he in no way doubted whether or not he belonged in the circle of Jesus’ disciples. Studies of who believes what in our day continually underscore that although most of us consider ourselves to be freethinkers, the groups we belong to are the largest determinant of what we believe.

Who you spend your time with dramatically affects how you perceive the world you live in and the choices available to you. Belonging and believing go together, as the church has always said.

What we mean by our Christian words of belief is not always apparent. Rather than whatever their secular definitions would be, for us, these words name experiences. If–like Thomas–you have not had the experience the word points to, it is very difficult to understand the word, let alone believe it. Christianity isn’t only an idea or a philosophy to be thought about. It is an experience. It is a way of life. Jesus asked Thomas to touch him because Christianity’s truth is the sort of thing you encounter by putting yourself out there and stepping out. Even the resurrection truth that life can triumph over death seems like a kind of abstract notion if it is the sort of thing you just look at and examine like a math problem, but if you muster the courage and put yourself out there in your Christianity, you’ll have experiences where life somehow, someway, prevails even though death is all around. You’ll experience the resurrection breaking into your own life like shafts of light in the morning, not all the time, but enough to create in you a daily expectation that even when everything seems lost, something good might just happen anytime. If you put yourself in situations where you are there to serve the poor or those in need, you’ll discover God in places and people where you would least expect. So, as you are thinking things through for yourselves, go ahead with Thomas and accept Christ’s invitation to touch his hands. Reach out your hand and put it in his side.

Thomas doubted, but the important thing is that he stayed with his questions. The searching itself is a form of faith. He had faith to keep seeking rather than falling into some skepticism with no life in it. However rational that sort of skepticism can appear to be, it is really a form of mental despair. Thomas had faith to keep living the questions, to keep paying attention, to keep looking. Jesus said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas put himself out there and touched Jesus and doubted no more. Jesus admonished him saying, “Do not doubt but believe!”  Thomas responded with worship, and said, “My Lord and my God!” When it was time, when he had had the experience the words point to, he moved past his doubt and embraced the Truth. In this way, faith is by no means the opposite of rational thinking. Human reason, rightly used, always leads beyond itself. To think deeply always means pressing beyond the known. Reason fully deployed always yields wonder and commitment.

Life requires being able to make commitments that are greater than a mere balancing of evidence warrants. We have a word for people who are able to make commitments amid uncertainty. That word is “leadership.” Things that matter require real commitment and it is this sort of commitment that doubt needs to lead toward rather than away from. We sometimes say that faith is childish and reason is for adults. But I tell you that nothing is more adult than needing to make a hard decision where you are responsible when you are not sure what is going to happen, where you are deciding on the basis of faith, conviction, and belief.

Without decisive commitment, Thomas would have gotten stuck. He would have been left behind by the other apostles, isolated, pressing no further into the mysteries of life. We would have barely of heard of him because he would have never gone into the world proclaiming the message of Jesus. Without people who can make commitments that exceed the evidence we have, our world will not have leaders. We ought to be people who listen, learn, question, and then make your commitments, especially ones that require adult faith and belief.

Through all this Thomas was not alone and you are not either. Even as he doubted, Thomas put himself in the company of those who believed. Thomas–even as he doubted–continued to surround himself with the right kind of friends: people who also loved the truth. It is hard to be self-taught. It is hard to think well alone. Never underestimate how important the support of other people is in your life. At St. Paul’s, we have a community that will support you no matter where your questioning leads you. This support makes freethinking possible. In this way, thinking and church go together. There is such a thing as thinking with the church. When your believing feels weak, lean into belonging. Let the church carry you along with its steady confession of  “We believe…” When your sense of belonging is not strongly felt, the work you have put into believing can carry you along. Wherever you go in life, however your believing and belonging may go, let the Episcopal Church be a safe place for you ask your questions and find your faith.

So may each of us, like Thomas, keep discovering the experiences our words of faith only point to, be patient with ourselves and others as we walk the path before us, and like Thomas, when the time comes, make the substantial commitments that are worthy of the lives we are called to live, trusting that God will use our questions to lead us to where we need to be. Amen.